There have been scores of songs about women, from Waltzing Matilda to Sting’s classic Roxanne. There have been scads of songs about cars, from Surrey with the Fringe on Top to the Beach Boys’ Little Deuce Coupe. There have even been songs about animals. Everything from the Old Gray Mare Ain’t What She Used to Be to Me and You and a Dog named Blue.
But how many songs are there about household appliances? Not many, unless you count the telephone.
The telephone has been immortalized in songs by bluesmen, torch singers, rap stars and pop divas. It totally makes sense. Alexander Graham Bell’s instrument is musical by its very nature. The first prototype phone rang with a cacophony of bells and chimes. Today, people download a favorite Blacked-eyed Pea Grammy number for their personal ringtone. With the advent of the push button phone, telephone numbers actually beeped a 7 digit tune. My grandmother’s phone number was, oddly enough, Mary had a Little Lamb. No joke.
So let’s pause a beat and do our own musical tour of classic phone tunes.
The Blues
Let’s start at the beginning, down in the bayou. There, Mississippi Fred McDowell wrote a mournful song that has been covered by everyone from the Rolling Stones to Randy Travis. Jesus is on the Mainline. The song dates back to a time when people shared party lines and telephone eavesdropping was the closest thing a lonely heart had to an Internet chat room. Jesus in the song famously is on the “mainline.” No waiting required. Call him up and tell him what you want. That quick. That easy.
Swing.
Moving into the war years, Glen Miller and his Orchestra lit up the 40’s with a swinging big band number about a phone number. Pennsylvania 6-5000. Back in the day when phone numbers still had letters. Nostalgic, huh?
Rockabilly
Phasing into the 1960’s, Chuck Berry wrote a song that rose to the top of the charts about a tortured soul playing phone tag with a six-year-old. The lyrical lament was sung by Johnny Rivers. “Long distance information, give me Memphis, Tennessee…Marie is only six years old, information please, try and put her through to me in Memphis, Tennessee.” You want to cry, right?
Top 40
In the 70’s, Blondie’s Debra Harry beckoned us to call her anytime day or night. Operators are standing by. A decade before, British pop singer Petula Clark delivered the same siren call. “Maybe it’s late,” her song goes “but just call me. Call me and I’ll be around.”
Classic Rock
Bands like Steely Dan warned Rikki not to lose that number. And Glen Campbell reminded us that Wichita Lineman was still on the line. When is that guy gonna get off? The rest of us need to make a call.
Comedy
The phone was even featured in many comedy albums. Most notably, comedian Bob Newhart launched his career with an album that featured a one-sided phone call between himself and Sir Walter Raleigh. A decade later, novelty songstress Meri Wilson sang a bawdy ditty called Telephone Man, full of more double entendres than an Irish limerick.
Country
These days, country artist Toby Keith sings about a trip to Mexico, where his time is neatly divided between Tequila and telephone calls.
I was hangin’ out in Mexico, I had a beachfront bungalow
I know I should have gone home, but I was doin’ that Caribbean thing
I was listenin’ to a Spanish guitar, drinkin’ margaritas under the stars
With a pretty senorita when the telephone started to ring, guess who
Hello, honey I was just about to
Hello, baby I was gettin’ ready
Hello, I know I should have called sooner, oh, no, no
Hello, if you give me just a minute
Hello, don’t you hang up till I’m finished
Hello, you’re the only one I’ve ever, you know
Hello…
Indie
Indie band Lemon Sun continues the trend asking the musical question Telephone, are You Alive? That’s pretty much the extent of the lyrics. Very post-modern. Very deep.
R&B
Today, pop divas Beyonce and Lady Gaga tag team a tune called simply, Telephone. Lady Gaga explains the deeper meaning, “That’s my fear – that the phones ringing and my heads ringing. Whether it’s a telephone or it’s just the thoughts in your head, that’s another fear.” Lady Gaga is afraid of telephones. Who knew? And hey, would Beyonce please answer her head! It’s about to ring off her shoulders.
So the next time you use your phone, show a little respect. After all, when was the last time someone wrote a song about you?
